Woking V Tulse Hill &Dulwich
By Tom McLean
We scored, they scored more!
After having last weeks game called off Woking were buzzing to get back to playing some hockey. In a move to boost morale the fun half of the team set off on the train towards somewhere in south London. It was an eventful trip as Robbie Faulkner arrived with enough McDonald’s to feed the 5000 (or Moley), demonstrating to everyone on the 10:12 to Waterloo exactly how athletes should behave. Along the way new friends were made, almost managing to pull off a mid season transfer for a new goal keeper. In a strange turn of events Andy Pike found himself on the receiving end of good old fashioned kacking, an eye witness spoke afterwards of the harrowing events ‘It was like somefing from one of them horror movies it was. I’m gunna send em the bill for me talky doctor’, a true 21st Century wordsmith. In a game of ‘Who can get stabbed the first in Peckham?’ Andrew Barticorn took an early lead blasting out the phantom of the opera to confused passers by. Not to be out of the contest early though Lewis W Ankers stood atop the platform addressing his subjects but rather angered most when he called them all plebs. Overseas player Stefan ‘Stu’ Von Hanisch almost didn’t make the game as he arrived at the wrong pitch. Some say he’d confused his sat nav by driving on the wrong side of the road #brexit. After such a fun filled journey the game was always going to struggle in comparison. A lively start saw Woking create a plethora of chances but failed to convert any. A monster ariel from man of the match Mainwaring set away Furness who smartly rounded the goal keeper but unfortunately couldn’t find the finish to match. Woking were made to pay for their missed opportunities when they once again gave the ball away cheaply and Tulse Hill opened the scoring. Having conceded first in all but 2 games this season Woking were used to bouncing back. In a move that had coach Kochar jumping for joy, coming straight from the training ground, Woking won a short corner and Pike marked his 700th league game with a close range finish. Woking then made a tactical switch to stop passing to each other but instead give the ball to Tulse Hill. It can only be assumed that the game was too boring and after the entertainment of the train ride Woking wanted to see some goals. The home side obliged and went in 4-1 up at half time. The second half saw more action than the first with estranged lovers Andrew Barticorn and Steve Wilman-Osborne combining beautifully down the left flank. Some silky skills from Alex Curry and Matt Cockerham created a chance for Stu Von Hanisch who cooly dispatched to give Woking some hope. However an argument broke out on the pitch and unfortunately Tulse Hill decided they weren’t going to stop playing to let all the toys be put back in the pram but instead go and score - how inconsiderate. Woking pushed for more consolation goals with Garth Pollock and John McClane going closest. With the last strike of the game Jamie Hutchins thumped the ball past an awestruck goalkeeper and in doing so became the oldest scorer ever in south prem 2 at 52 years and 75 days.
Having conceded 8 but missed 10 chances the boys in blue were left to wonder what could have been with a moment of quiet reflection in the showers. And then again when shower club president Pike missed out the first time. A generally enjoyable day was topped off with a beer and delicious match teas of saag aloo. Next week woking welcome Wycombe to fortress Goldsworth.
Will Mainwaring said afterwards "The past few weeks we’ve really developed and shown strengths in different parts our our game. We just need to pull it all together now and we’d have a complete performance."
Scorer: Andy Pike, Stefan Von Haenisch, Jamie Hutchin